Parents are occasionally told by social or Cafcass workers, or even their lawyers, to ‘play the game’. Not surprisingly, they are usually horrified to hear their trauma of going through the family court called a game. Worse still, no-one ever tells them the rules of the game. If you’re going through court it’s always best
It’s like being caught in a net under water. You just have to stop struggling and stay very still, and eventually you float back to the top Sarah, a family law solicitor, told me her story which is sadly typical of many I hear and confirms my view that what I call “child power” is
Parental alienation is a big - and controversial – topic and I can only scratch the surface here. The term Parental Alienation Syndrome was first coined by Dr Richard Gardner, a (controversial) American child psychiatrist, back in the 1970s. Almost 50 years on we still can’t agree on what it is or what to do
Last week was a big one for those of us desperate for change in the family courts. I hope you saw at least some of the exposure of how the courts are failing both children and parents. On Wednesday, Victoria Derbyshire devoted her whole show to the problem of domestic abuse not being
A child’s security can be shaken when their parents separate, so they need firm boundaries to be maintained in order to feel safe. And if your ex has any narcissistic tendencies you will need to set very firm boundaries with them. Boundary setting can be a challenge: when you’re tired, overwhelmed or pre-occupied it’s easier
Although coercive control became a criminal offence in December 2015, I’ve struggled with the meaning of it. As it’s been in the news again with Sally Challen’s successful appeal against her conviction for murdering her controlling husband, I decided to revisit it. I’ve found that the definition of the crime is repeatedly or continuously engaging
I’ve had a few disgruntled clients recently and I don’t blame them for being angry and frustrated. None of us like to think someone’s pulled a fast one on us and perhaps they weren’t expecting it to happen in a court of law. Here are a few tips to help you wise-up if you’re considering
I hope not. I was aware from Facebook that Ellie disappeared last July with her three year old son Olly but I had not been following the story. When I saw the Transparency Project had written an article I decided to find out what it was about, knowing that this would be the most unbiased
The Supreme Court has told Tini Owens (68) that she must remain married to Mr Owens (80) until 2020 despite his “authoritarian, demeaning and humiliating conduct”. Poor Mrs Owens. But of course Mrs Owens is far from poor. Mr Owens is not the first husband who has wanted to oppose his wife’s application for divorce,
The short answer to this question is usually ‘yes’ When a divorce or separation is difficult children’s holidays abroad with one parent can be contentious although one would always hope a parent would not want to deprive their children of a holiday or travel experience. It is always reasonable to expect the other parent to
I knew that things weren’t what they used to be in the family courts, but I have been shocked to discover just how bad it’s become, how loving and caring mothers are being penalised and demonised, and children forced to have contact, or live, with abusive fathers. I’ve recently come across this group of mothers
The stress of Christmas followed by a new year inviting a new start or a ‘new you’ results in a big increase in enquiries to solicitors about divorce. Of course the problems started the year before, or maybe ten years before, but no-one wants to think about splitting up before Christmas. At the start of
It was gripping but not easy viewing and I did feel a bit wrung out by the end! Even though credibility was stretched at times, the series did graphically illustrate what can so easily happen to the children when one of the parties to a break-up is a narcissist. For those who didn’t watch, Tom
Claire Throssel was on Woman’s Hour last week explaining how her two children, aged 12 and 9, were murdered by their father when he set fire to their home. He was a bully, the boys were scared of him and they didn’t want to see him. But the court had ordered five hours of unsupervised
I always enjoy Graham Norton’s problem page in the Saturday Telegraph and his reply to this week’s ‘Letter of the Week’ was spot on: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/wellbeing/graham-nortons-advice/graham-norton-help-advice-divorce-marriage-wife-husband/ The writer had spent an eye-watering £300,000 and counting on legal fees and was nowhere near a settlement as his wife wanted the matrimonial home to be sold and the
I recently met a mother in her early thirties and when I told her what I did, she responded by saying her parents had divorced when she was a child. I asked her if she would talk to me about it, and tell me how it could have been handled better, as this could help
When your relationship breaks down, communication often breaks down too. If you want to minimise the damage to your children, and/or want to resolve financial and property matters without paying a fortune to solicitors to communicate on your behalf, you may need to find a different way to deal with your ex. Here’s a simple
Contact is the right of the child, not the parent. Separation and divorce are traumatic and difficult times for parents. It can be heartbreaking for a parent who no longer lives with their child every day and, not surprisingly, they want as much contact as they can get. But this ‘getting’ may involve taking more
In 2012 a friend visited New Zealand, twice struck in recent years by hugely destructive earthquakes. Even while looking forward to seeing old friends in North Island, and landscapes of great beauty and variety, she nevertheless sat on the plane wondering: “Why on earth am I visiting an earthquake zone?” Once arrived, she was deeply
