A new study in Wales of children involved in court proceedings has found that they are more likely than their peers to be anxious or depressed, although the study didn’t look at whether they may just have been adversely affected by the separation of their parents rather than the court proceedings.
Other research has highlighted how distressing it is for children to be ‘kept in the dark’ about what’s happening during their parents’ separation. Adults often keep information from their children in an effort to protect them and not involve them in adult issues. But they don’t realise how much worry and anxiety this can cause children. Sometimes parents won’t talk to their children about the separation because they don’t know what’s happening themselves and decide it’s best to wait until they can give their child definite answers. But more often than not the children know more than the adults think they do, and, when they don’t know they may fill in the blanks themselves with far worse scenarios than the reality might ever be. There’s nothing wrong with telling children you don’t have all the answers yet, but will let them know as soon as you do.
Children may be involved in court proceedings to a greater or lesser degree in one of the following ways. Most usually:
A section 7 (of the Children Act 1989) report is a welfare report which may be prepared by Cafcass, or by the local authority (social/children services) if they are involved with the family.
More rarely:
A section 37 report is when the court thinks the issues are more serious and directs the local authority to investigate whether they should issue care proceedings. There’s no need to panic if this happens – care proceedings are the last thing local authorities want to do and even if a care order were to be made it doesn’t mean the children are necessarily removed from home. A supervision order is also a possibility when hopefully you’d get some help.
A rule 16.4 (of the Family Procedure Rules 2010) guardian may be appointed for the children in more complex cases where agreement can’t be reached. The guardian may be from Cafcass (sometimes the original Cafcass officer if they are experienced enough) or from NYAS (National Youth Advocacy Service). The children become parties to the proceedings, meaning they have their own solicitor, funded by legal aid.
A Part 25 (of the FPR) expert may be requested by either of the parties and/or the guardian if they want evidence from a psychologist, psychiatrist, ISW (independent social worker), paediatrician, etc. Often a ‘single joint expert’ (ie one expert agreed by both/all parties) will be instructed by means of an agreed letter of instruction. The court has to give permission if the children are to be seen by the expert.
In summary, a child in child arrangement proceedings may be seen, sometimes several times, by:
- a Cafcass officer
- a social worker
- a guardian
- one or more experts
So it’s not surprising that some children can be even more fed up with court proceedings than their parents, especially when they feel they’re not being listened to. For various reasons children often don’t tell the truth when they’re interviewed and sometimes they just give up and refuse to say anything. They may feel they’ve got one of their parents into trouble from something they’ve said in the past and that it’s best to say nothing, or they may be silenced by fear of what one of their parents will say or do to them if they say what’s really happening.
But more often the children are virtually ignored during the proceedings and they struggle with the anxiety of not knowing what’s happening.
Or, sometimes, with the anxiety following false, confusing or distressing information given to them by one parent. Whilst you will have many worries and anxiety’s yourself going through court proceedings, your children are likely to have different ones.
I still recall the reaction of a neighbour’s child’s many years ago when a long awaited holiday to an idyllic destination the other side of the world was cancelled at the last minute due to a terrorist attack. The parents were very upset as well as worried about their family over there but the reaction of their 7 year old was: ‘do you mean we’ve had all those jabs for nothing?’ So always best to ask rather than assume you know what’s going on in the minds of your little ones!
Ask what they want to know, what they’re worried about and how they’re feeling about what’s happening. Research has shown that children are not given good enough explanations of what was happening in court and that they don’t understand the court process. When they’re not given correct information children come up with their own ideas, often associating ‘court’ with criminal courts and punishment – some children even fear that their parents may be sent to prison.
Sometimes courts order parents not to talk to their children about the court proceedings. This usually happens when one parent has given too much, or inappropriate information to the child, or is trying to pressurise or groom the child into ‘choosing’ to live with them. Unfortunately no court order is going to stop such parents – but it does silence the protective, law-abiding parent who is then too scared to talk to their own child. If your child is worried or anxious and needs information and reassurance please give it to them: you’re their parent, you know your child and no court should tell you not to. Of course you don’t have to give them all the details … or burden them with too much information.
This was something written by Lilia, a young woman who’s mental health problems resulted in her suicide years after the divorce of her parents:
“To Dad. For some time, you’ve wanted to understand how I feel about you, and why our relationship has deteriorated. So I’m going to explain how I feel. As a child, you would tell me many things about the animosity between you and mum that were very upsetting for me. Serious conflicts with terrible implications. Conflicts that I never needed to be involved in, that should have been kept between adults. You were frustrated, you wanted me to understand how you felt. But I wasn’t your confidant, your friend or your counsellor. I was just a child, your child. All I wanted was to be protected…… When I raise a concern or say I don’t like what you are doing, you assume the thought has been planted there by someone. You assume my feelings are not my own and immediately try to hunt down the puppet master instead of respectfully accepting and validating my feelings.”
There have been quite a few studies of children’s views on contact with abusive fathers, but apparently none regarding abusive mothers. Children’s views differed – some wanted to see their father despite the domestic abuse, some were ambivalent, and some felt fear and dread of contact as well as being concerned about their own and their mother’s safety. Children’s feelings are complex and diverse, eg they can view an abusive father as both violent and fatherly and obviously it’s hard for them to hold both views together.
Not surprisingly, the research showed that when children said they didn’t want to have contact, but were still forced to, it caused them significant distress.
Cafcass have launched a new telephone line for children and young people to tell them how they feel about the support they had during court proceedings. They want children to be honest with them and tell them what they could have done better. So do get your children to ring! The number is 0330 403 0300.
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