Case Studies

I called Diana and she very casually told me to calm down and take no notice of the nonsense written in the letter! It was music to my ears and after speaking with her, I knew I was on the right road.

My divorce was complicated for a whole number of reasons but one thing was certain, my husband was going to make sure he got as much as he possibly could regardless of how much it cost him in solicitor and court fees. It was a long drawn out process (18 months) but along the way Diana taught me how to draft letters, what to say and what not to say and save for later and by the time the court date drew closer I actually ended up feeling rather smug. I realised from his financial statements he was paying an absolute fortune in fees and here I was with a top class London lawyer for a fraction of the price! (He paid over £20,000 and it cost me less than 15% of that, just over £2,600.)

Being so far away from Diana was never a problem, she was always at the end of the phone or email, mainly email but when things did get complex, I knew I could always call her so that she could explain the more complicated matters better. She was always encouraging and I was always thankful for that as the process does get you down at times. One thing she is though is straight to the point and there’s no hiding from her! At times I wanted it all to go away or hear a different answer but she always told me the truth about how the situation looked and very gently whipped me into action when paperwork needed doing.

I did end up in court over my financial settlement as my husband never wanted to sort matters out amicably, he wanted his day in court and he got it. The court process is incredibly complicated for a lay person and very procedural. I went several times on my own with just the advice and guidance from Diana, it’s not easy but you learn along the way and Diana was only ever a phone call away.

For the final stage of the financial settlement Diana suggested I take a McKenzie friend along as the process was to get more complicated and I would need the support. Diana knew just the person and contacted Robert on my behalf. On the day he was an absolute blessing and whilst he wasn’t a trained solicitor he understood the process, the language and advised me accordingly on what was going on and what would happen next. He was invaluable and Diana’s judgement to get him in at that point was spot on.

Looking back with hindsight I wouldn’t have done it any differently. The financial settlement was eventually agreed between us both during the FDR with the Judge’s guidance and advice and it was one that I felt was fair to both of us. I never wanted to ‘take my husband for everything’ so lining a solicitor’s pockets to do that would have been a complete waste of money for me. There were times when I felt it would have been so much easier to have paid a solicitor to complete forms and write letters but with Diana’s support and encouragement and taking things one step at a time, it was more than doable and nowhere near as scary as I thought it was going to be.

Diana is a gem and I would advise anyone going through or about to go through a divorce to contact her first. As I said earlier my divorce was incredibly complicated and the solicitor on the other side certainly didn’t make it any easier for me but with Diana by my side (or rather on my shoulder!) I managed to pull it off, represent myself in court and even come out of it the other side smiling about some of the giggles I had with Diana about ‘the other side and Mr M’ as we nicknamed him along the way!

Mrs DC, North Wales

Diana’s comment  This case was not in fact at all complicated: the couple could easily have resolved this in mediation for a fraction of the cost.  But it was clear to me that the husband’s mother had plenty of money to spend on it, and the solicitor was very keen to take as much of it as he could.  It was very fortunate that my client did not instruct lawyers herself as their fees would have meant she would have lost the asset she most wanted to keep.

I found this very hard to accept as I had been a father who saw his children every day, to then one day per week, and then having this privilege removed altogether. I now found myself at a very low point in my life, with so many unanswered questions and feeling very alone in the world, and with a battered self-esteem I needed to find answers to my questions.

So, like anyone else who finds themselves in these uncharted waters, I decided to seek professional advice from a solicitor. However the advice I was given was very poor, and to add insult to injury I had to pay a lot of money for it.

My partner then made an application to the family court for an occupation order against me, which was presented to me at my place of work, and left me completely dumbfounded.

It was at this time I was fortunate enough to find Diana’s book “A better way of dealing with divorce” which led me to finding her website, and her free guide “7 things you should know about legal advice”. Having read this comprehensive guide, I knew that I had to get in touch as the things that stood out were Diana’s experience and her frank advice.

After having a call with Diana, I knew that I had found the right person to help me with my case, as she listened carefully to what I had to say and showed lots of compassion and understanding towards me and our children.

Diana and I had our first meeting where she went through all of the details of my case, and then explained very clearly how she could help me, and also how to keep my costs down to a minimum.
Diana, was the first professional to suggest that I could represent myself, and also the first to suggest the use of a McKenzie friend, which was something I had not heard of before.

Having had this meeting with Diana, it felt like a huge weight had been lifted off of my shoulders, as I had found a true professional who had explained how I could move forward, and gave me hope that I was going to be able to deal with my case myself. This new found confidence that I gained from Diana, was confirmed by my counsellor who I was seeing at the time, as she commented that she had never seen me smile so many times in a session as she did after I had had this meeting.

Diana suggested that I should make a child arrangement application to the family court so as to re-establish my contact with our children. Once I had submitted this application, myself and Diana worked together via emails and phone calls to produce my statements which worked well as Diana is quick to respond to emails, and is easy to get hold of on the phone.

I found this to be a challenging task to do, but also rewarding as I was able to be directly involved in the process, and to know the progress we were making, and that I wasn’t spending more money than I needed too.

On the day of the first child arrangement hearing I felt nervous, but also reassured that I had done all that I could, and Diana had done likewise in helping me with my statements, and also in finding me a McKenzie friend who attended the hearing to assist me. It was very reassuring to have a McKenzie Friend at the hearing, as he was able to take notes, give advice and pick up on the important details that a novice like me might miss.

There have been further court hearings relating to the child arrangement application and also the occupation order, and this has resulted in a lot of difficult changes in my life such as having to move out of the family home and having to find somewhere else to live.

However, all of this has been made a lot easier to cope with knowing that I have had Diana’s help, and I can say without hesitation that without it I wouldn’t of been able to cope with all of the stress and anxiety that I have experienced over the past 8 months.

Mr CA, Surrey

I found it difficult to talk about the emotional abuse as I felt as if I should have been stronger and seen it: “how could an intelligent woman like me be so stupid!!”.

Diana helped me to realise that I should have a voice and that I am not alone. Also that the court system is just a process, and with the correct guidance I could deal with it mostly myself, and with some support from a McKenzie friend in court.

We did not go to mediation as my husband didn’t want to: he wanted to win!

I felt empowered not using a solicitor and I realised that I didn’t really need one when I saw what my husband’s solicitor did and how rubbish he was!

I made an application for a non-molestation and occupation order, as well as for a financial remedy. My McKenzie friend Graham was great in court and I felt confident talking to the judge: I think they are human like everyone else and I have a right to be heard.

Diana has kept me clam and on the right path when I have been emotional. She is fantastic, such an inspiration; she knows her stuff and is very thorough. I would have given up without her but she helped me feel empowered and in control.

Mrs BR, Surrey

When he started to hurt me, it was because I was preventing him doing harm to himself. But this escalated, and after several months it came to the point where he nearly killed me and he did kill the baby I was carrying. To this day I find it hard to forgive myself for not leaving him before that could happen.

His parents threatened me not to go to the police but my GP gave me an ultimatum – go to the police, she said, or I will.

One thing I realised later is that it’s impossible to think clearly in the midst of a divorce or court case. However much I turned the situation over in my mind, I never came to any conclusions and tended to go around in circles. I put this down to the constant emotional pressure, the intense need to retain normality as much as possible and the feeling of having no control over the outcome of the case. It made me unbearable even to myself, because it felt like there would never be an end.

This is what makes it vital to have someone on the outside to give you perspective, or just to reassure you that you’re doing the right thing. This is what Diana provided at the points where I felt I wanted to give up, or stop working or leave my home. It’s so important to have a calm voice at the end of the phone; and the reassurance that the hardest thing was the right thing.

Above all, Diana helped me to make decisions myself rather than suggesting solutions which is what most people try to do when you are very distressed. Diana helped me to change my thinking around the situation, which helped me to regain a sense of control.

I was very nervous before the trial and I was told that many men often plead not guilty (or are advised to do so) because women are too scared to go to court. But once he knew I was there and determined to go ahead, my ex-husband changed his plea so I did not have to give evidence. He was given a suspended sentence and I was granted a lifelong restraining order, for which I am very grateful.

Diana continued to be a support for me following the divorce and criminal court case. I have managed to carve out a life for myself which is not dictated by the divorce; and when I think back to how impossible that felt at times, it makes me realise how far I have come.

Alice, Manchester

I went to see Diana who was very supportive and helped talk through the emotional side of things. Once I had made the decision to leave my husband I needed some sort of direction as to where to start… the finances, the divorce or the children? Diana helped me immensely with this and helped me see the wood for the trees and understand the different processes involved with divorce etc.

She also put me in touch with various key people who would help me along the way… so our financial mediator who was very good in the sense of giving us a set price for 4 mediation sessions and encouraged us along the way to come to a decision together for settlement which we thankfully did… it was a rocky and sometimes emotional few months however I am proud to say we came to an agreement in the end which suits both of us.

The solicitor Diana referred me to has been brilliant and gave me the strength to push in the mediation for the ownership of our family home and encouraged me in every way to ensure that me and my 3 children will be protected for as long as possible.

I was worried about telling our children that they had a half-brother (from their father’s affair). We had individual meetings with Gill Cashdan, and then one joint meeting, when she gave us good advice about how children think and the language to use with them. I knew it was important to be honest with the children, but not how much we should say. Gill explained the extent of the truth to tell, and what was acceptable to say without it appearing that I was blaming their father.

Telling the children didn’t go exactly as planned and the children were quite confused, so I’ve had questions to answer since. (As well as being told by my 7 year old, who’s been brought up to ‘care and share’, that I’m selfish as I “didn’t want to share daddy with another woman”!) I was thankful to have Gill’s words in my head to be able to reply, and I would definitely recommend her to parents who are splitting up.

Diana encouraged me to manage my own divorce to save money, which I have done. The whole thing has cost me about £4,500 and taken just over a year from start to finish.

Lucy, Surrey

She is very acute and can make you see things in a totally different way. My husband had acted in a way that did not just affect our marriage but also my wider family. I have been helped to see that what he did was not aimed at me but rather that I was ‘collateral damage’. His state of mind was to blame. Diana is interested in how the whole family is coping and makes suggestions for helping everyone.

Her mantras work and I am realising – slowly – the power the mind has to overcome endless negative thoughts with positive ones. Diana also did a metaphor process with me about how my husband was making me feel when we met to talk. The next time I saw him I was able to tell him that I felt he was bombarding me, which helped. I can still conjure up the mental image Diana helped me see – it is almost dreamlike.

Diana referred us to a Financial Mediator and we had six mediation sessions. It took a long time to fill in the forms but it was worth it and they could also be used by our Solicitors for the court order, so nothing more was necessary.

The Mediator was impartial and would not talk to either of us on the phone except to make appointments or for general help with those forms. We were able to argue over things and I never felt that he was taking the man’s side, which I think my husband hoped would happen and I was worried might happen.

I would recommend going to mediation because it is inexpensive compared with going to court, and I felt safe. The Mediator was not interested in what had happened, or the emotional stuff. This enabled us to talk dispassionately about the financial side. If things began to get difficult, we would have a break and then carry on. The Mediator always ended on a positive note, so that we came away in a reasonable frame of mind, even if we were wrung out.

I waited until we had resolved financial matters before issuing my behaviour petition so as not to inflame the situation. We have avoided the acrimony and expense of going to court as we have been able to talk to each other despite the very difficult circumstances in which our marriage ended.

Victoria, London