Difficult divorce

If your ex, or partner you hope soon to be your ex, is being unreasonably difficult about separating, divorcing or moving out you may be in an abusive relationship. Of course, separation is always a difficult and emotional time and both partners may exhibit some bad behaviour which is out of character and just a reaction to the situation. But some people live with abuse for many years, without even realising that their relationship is abusive because they have just slowly got used to it. Others know that their partner is “difficult” and have learned to “manage” them, but have not acknowledged that the behaviour is abusive.

Domestic violence is easy to spot because it is physical, but abuse can be more subtle and coercive control is a pattern of behaviour rather than one-off incidents.

Please read the pages on abusive relationships, controlling relationships and mental health as it may help you deal with your difficult divorce situation if you can identify exactly what you’re dealing with. Google will doubtless be able to give you more information after that.

But don’t be tempted to talk about your ‘diagnosis’ – unless you’re a psychiatrist you won’t be listened to and you can do your case more damage than good by giving your ‘unprofessional’ opinion. Just use it to inform and help yourself through what you need to do, and keep describing the behaviour rather than trying to label it.

Divorce Consultant Diana Jordan

You might also be interested in reading the ‘Legal Structure of Divorce’ a two-minute guide to divorce proceedings.

A Better Way of Dealing with Divorce: book