Your Ex’s New Partner

When your narcissistic ex gets a new partner you’re likely to feel either relieved or hurt, maybe even jealous.  But when you’re dealing with a narcissist it’s important to act from your head, not from your heart: you need to get one step ahead, to be ready to outsmart them. I know this advice won’t

By |September 25th, 2020|0 Comments

Two cautionary tales: litigation loans and remote hearings

Just when I thought the family court couldn’t get any worse, I received an email from Jenny warning me about litigation loans.  She told me the dreadful story of how her solicitors had conducted her divorce: “an absolute catalogue of incompetence, deceit and malpractice”. Jenny was interviewed last month by Winifred Robinson of You and

By |August 24th, 2020|0 Comments

A child’s life with a narcissistic father

This is the sequel to last month’s newsletter: A Mother’s Battle with a Narcissist. If you missed it you can read it here before continuing with Sarah’s story below. I’m grateful to all who responded to help me with ‘the lies’. It’s always lovely to hear from readers of my newsletters and I understand the lying

A Mother’s Battle with a Narcissist

My previous life (as a solicitor) has come back to haunt me. I acted for Carol almost 30 years ago and Sarah, her daughter (now 38), has tracked me down. She wanted help to piece together what happened when she was a child as she still feels confused and conflicted by it, and she wasn’t

Justice and remote hearings

I recently read Aristotle’s definition of justice: “giving people what they deserve” and my immediate thought was “but that’s not what they get in the family court”. We expect our courts to dispense justice. And they used to, our country was renowned and respected for it. Until I read The Secret Barrister, I hadn’t realised

By |April 27th, 2020|0 Comments

Abused or abuser – how does the court decide?

When Caroline Flack died, I read posts on social media and some were saying how abusive she’d been to her partner, while others were saying she was the one who was abused.   Those who thought she was the abuser said things like: Society can’t seem to accept men can be victims of abuse and

By |February 28th, 2020|0 Comments

Civil Partnership or Marriage?

There was some good news at the start of this new decade: on 31 December 2019, the law finally allowed men and women to enter civil partnerships (as opposed to only same sex couples who have had that right since 2005). Charles Keidan and Rebecca Steinfeld campaigned for the change in the law since December

By |January 29th, 2020|0 Comments

Do you need to do Grey Rock?

  If you’re parenting with a narcissist and are unhappy with the way your communication goes, doing grey rock could be really helpful. A narcissist cannot connect healthily with other people and relies instead on ‘narcissistic supply’ to fulfil their needs. Common forms of narcissistic supply are: Attention Compliments and praise Winning, or achieving something Feeling

By |December 29th, 2019|0 Comments

Family Court Protest – Please join us this Saturday

Mothers who report domestic abuse are frequently disbelieved by both Cafcass and the courts, and their children are forced into contact with fathers they may be terrified of. Mothers can lose the children they are trying to protect because when they spell out the dangers the children face they are accused of parental alienation and

By |October 25th, 2019|0 Comments

One has to laugh, but is your DA safe?

Mr P was divorced in 1997. When he wanted to marry again 21 years later he couldn’t find his decree absolute so he wrote to Willesden County Court to ask for a copy. Courts are supposed to keep divorce files for 18 years, after which most of the contents are destroyed but key documents, including

By |September 25th, 2019|0 Comments

How to win in the family court (part 2): Play the Game

Parents are occasionally told by social or Cafcass workers, or even their lawyers, to ‘play the game’.  Not surprisingly, they are usually horrified to hear their trauma of going through the family court called a game.  Worse still, no-one ever tells them the rules of the game. If you’re going through court it’s always best

By |August 29th, 2019|0 Comments

Divorce Poison

Divorce poison Parental alienation is a big - and controversial – topic and I can only scratch the surface here.  The term Parental Alienation Syndrome was first coined by Dr Richard Gardner, a (controversial) American child psychiatrist, back in the 1970s.  Almost 50 years on we still can’t agree on what it is or what

Who’s crossing your boundaries?

A child’s security can be shaken when their parents separate, so they need firm boundaries to be maintained in order to feel safe. And if your ex has any narcissistic tendencies you will need to set very firm boundaries with them. Boundary setting can be a challenge: when you’re tired, overwhelmed or pre-occupied it’s easier

By |April 26th, 2019|0 Comments

Do you understand coercive control?

Although coercive control became a criminal offence in December 2015, I’ve struggled with the meaning of it.  As it’s been in the news again with Sally Challen’s successful appeal against her conviction for murdering her controlling husband, I decided to revisit it.  I’ve found that the definition of the crime is repeatedly or continuously engaging

By |March 27th, 2019|1 Comment