When your narcissistic ex gets a new partner you’re likely to feel either relieved or hurt, maybe even jealous.  But when you’re dealing with a narcissist it’s important to act from your head, not from your heart: you need to get one step ahead, to be ready to outsmart them. I know this advice won’t

Just when I thought the family court couldn’t get any worse, I received an email from Jenny warning me about litigation loans.  She told me the dreadful story of how her solicitors had conducted her divorce: “an absolute catalogue of incompetence, deceit and malpractice”. Jenny was interviewed last month by Winifred Robinson of You and

"Assessing the risk of harm to children and parents in private law children cases" was published on 25 June 2020.  You can read it here. When the review was announced two years ago I was a little sceptical that the panel would uncover the truth or, if they did, that they would be allowed to

This is the sequel to last month’s newsletter: A Mother’s Battle with a Narcissist. If you missed it you can read it here before continuing with Sarah’s story below. I’m grateful to all who responded to help me with ‘the lies’. It’s always lovely to hear from readers of my newsletters and I understand the lying

My previous life (as a solicitor) has come back to haunt me. I acted for Carol almost 30 years ago and Sarah, her daughter (now 38), has tracked me down. She wanted help to piece together what happened when she was a child as she still feels confused and conflicted by it, and she wasn’t

I recently read Aristotle’s definition of justice: “giving people what they deserve” and my immediate thought was “but that’s not what they get in the family court”. We expect our courts to dispense justice. And they used to, our country was renowned and respected for it. Until I read The Secret Barrister, I hadn’t realised

  Separated parents are understandably worried about sending children to spend time with their other parent. And those who are the other parent are equally worried about whether they will get to see their child. Should they go, or not? There is no easy answer to this, and certainly no blanket answer, every case will

When Caroline Flack died, I read posts on social media and some were saying how abusive she’d been to her partner, while others were saying she was the one who was abused.   Those who thought she was the abuser said things like: Society can’t seem to accept men can be victims of abuse and

There was some good news at the start of this new decade: on 31 December 2019, the law finally allowed men and women to enter civil partnerships (as opposed to only same sex couples who have had that right since 2005). Charles Keidan and Rebecca Steinfeld campaigned for the change in the law since December

  If you’re parenting with a narcissist and are unhappy with the way your communication goes, doing grey rock could be really helpful. A narcissist cannot connect healthily with other people and relies instead on ‘narcissistic supply’ to fulfil their needs. Common forms of narcissistic supply are: Attention Compliments and praise Winning, or achieving something Feeling

C100: application for a child arrangements order C1A: information about allegations of harm or domestic abuse Divorce Form D8 Form A: application for a financial order Form E: financial statement Form H: estimate of costs for financial remedy cases only Court forms do get easier every time they are rewritten, so these days most of

Mothers who report domestic abuse are frequently disbelieved by both Cafcass and the courts, and their children are forced into contact with fathers they may be terrified of. Mothers can lose the children they are trying to protect because when they spell out the dangers the children face they are accused of parental alienation and

Sadly, keeping their files safe (see previous post) isn’t the only thing the family court can’t be trusted to do these days.  Children and abused parents are not safe in the family court either and there is to be a protest in Parliament Square on Saturday 26th October from 12 noon until 4 pm. Please

Mr P was divorced in 1997. When he wanted to marry again 21 years later he couldn’t find his decree absolute so he wrote to Willesden County Court to ask for a copy. Courts are supposed to keep divorce files for 18 years, after which most of the contents are destroyed but key documents, including

Parents are occasionally told by social or Cafcass workers, or even their lawyers, to ‘play the game’.  Not surprisingly, they are usually horrified to hear their trauma of going through the family court called a game.  Worse still, no-one ever tells them the rules of the game. If you’re going through court it’s always best

It’s like being caught in a net under water.  You just have to stop struggling and stay very still, and eventually you float back to the top Sarah, a family law solicitor, told me her story which is sadly typical of many I hear and confirms my view that what I call “child power” is

    Last week was a big one for those of us desperate for change in the family courts. I hope you saw at least some of the exposure of how the courts are failing both children and parents. On Wednesday, Victoria Derbyshire devoted her whole show to the problem of domestic abuse not being

A child’s security can be shaken when their parents separate, so they need firm boundaries to be maintained in order to feel safe. And if your ex has any narcissistic tendencies you will need to set very firm boundaries with them. Boundary setting can be a challenge: when you’re tired, overwhelmed or pre-occupied it’s easier

Although coercive control became a criminal offence in December 2015, I’ve struggled with the meaning of it.  As it’s been in the news again with Sally Challen’s successful appeal against her conviction for murdering her controlling husband, I decided to revisit it.  I’ve found that the definition of the crime is repeatedly or continuously engaging