When your relationship breaks down, communication often breaks down too. If you want to minimise the damage to your children, and/or want to resolve financial and property matters without paying a fortune to solicitors to communicate on your behalf, you may need to find a different way to deal with your ex.

Here’s a simple technique you can try.

Firstly, you need to accept that your ex is going to push your buttons: it goes with the territory.

  • How often does it happen?
  • In what circumstances?
  • How quickly do you become aware that it has happened?
  • How do you react?

The instant you become aware that your ex has said or done something you do not like, and before you say or do anything in response, say to yourself:

“I am responsible”.

This does not mean that you are responsible for the dreadful thing that your ex has just done or said. It means that you are responsible for the way you react to it; and, as a responsible parent, you are responsible for not making a bad situation worse.

Taking this responsibility stops you being a victim and empowers you to choose the best way forward, for yourself and your children.

Having said to yourself: “I am responsible” you may need to say to your ex: “I need to think about that and I’ll get back to you”. When you start reacting differently to your ex, they will start behaving differently towards you.

Please try it, and do leave a comment below about how it works for you.