I’ve had a few clients recently who’ve received orders or correspondence from the court which they’ve failed to understand.  Or, rather, the court has failed to put it into plain English which a non-professional can understand.   And clarity is so important in court proceedings.

Firstly there was the client who applied for her ex to pay the costs of the divorce.  The court added to the certificate saying she was entitled to her decree nisi: “the Petitioner shall file and serve a schedule of costs within 14 days from the date of service of this direction upon the parties”.  She misunderstood the ‘service’ bit, and thought it meant she had to do it after the decree nisi.  That little error cost her £550.

(‘Filing’ means ‘send to the court’ and ‘serving’ means send to the other party, and it’s usually all done by email.)

Most divorces are online now and the instructions are clearer than this but do read carefully what you need to do, if anything, about the costs.  If you don’t understand, or don’t know what to do, this is the one bit of the family court that does seem to work well.  You can either email or ‘speak’ on the web chat and they usually seem to be quick and helpful in their replies.  This applies only to the divorce itself, not children or financial proceedings.

Then there was the client who rang me in a panic having heard from the court that her next hearing was on 6 September.  However when she sent me the order I saw that it said “The fact finding hearing shall be listed to take place before a District Judge on FODA 6.9.21.”  Regular court users know that FODA stands for ‘first open date after’ but how on earth is a litigant in person supposed to know that?  If you receive a court order or notice do read it very carefully and if there’s anything on it you don’t understand ring or email the court and ask them to explain.  (You could also try the internet but I just put FODA into Google which told me it means ‘fear of dying alone’!)

Next was the client who applied for an occupation order and received an email from the court telling her that legal professionals must now use the Online Financial Remedy consent order service.  It wasn’t quite that simple of course, I’ve paraphrased a bit.  Like many of my clients, this lady isn’t English and didn’t have a clue what the email was about.  It was clearly aimed at solicitors, and just sent to every email in the court’s address book.  Of course the family court was designed by lawyers, for lawyers, and there seems little acknowledgement or allowance for the fact that now there’s no legal aid and lawyers charge a small fortune the courts are full of litigants in person.

Another client forwarded me an email from a London court advising her that it is now a digital court!   It was two pages of A4, densely written, and I ploughed through the detailed instructions.  I didn’t get far before I had to resort to Google to discover that PBA means ‘payment by account’.  Only solicitors will have accounts with the courts so again this is written for legal professionals, not litigants in person, confirmed by them using ‘we’ rather than ‘I’ in the examples they give.

It goes on to say that court staff are not legally trained and so are unable to offer advice.  This is true, but if anyone at the court tries to fob you off with this and tell you to go to a solicitor you can say you don’t want advice, you just want to know what something means, or which form to use for an application.

Finally they say that ‘at this time Adoptions, Divorce, and Family Law Act matters are not electronic as yet. Divorce and Family Law Act documents should continue to be sent to the family mail box ….’  I think they should explain for litigants in person that Family Law Act matters are non-molestation and occupation orders.  And they should explain to me which email address I would need to send which applications to as that’s far from clear!

Court proceedings are hard enough for litigants in person without all the legal gobbledegook to have to try to fathom.  But figure it out you must if you don’t want to lose money or get something wrong which could damage your case.  Keep asking until you understand.  Ask the court, or you can try asking your ex’s solicitor or barrister if they have one and you don’t.  Or you’re welcome to email me (diana@dealingwithdivorce.co.uk) if you need a quick explanation of some legalese.

If you’re in a court hearing as a litigant in person and you don’t understand something, don’t hesitate to interrupt the judge or barrister and ask for it to be explained to you.   It may sometimes feel as though the judge and your ex’s barrister are having a private conversation in a language you don’t understand but remember it’s your case: your safety, your children or your financial future that you’re there about.  You’re entitled to know exactly what’s going on so do ask and be clear.  And never ever answer a question in cross-examination if you’re not crystal clear as to what you’re being asked!

If you’re also looking for clarity as to how to help your children the free webinar I mentioned previously  – How to raise emotionally secure children whilst recovering from narcissistic abuse – is now available online so you can listen to it at any time:   https://thenurturingcoach.co.uk/secure-children/.  The next Circle of Security course starts on 14 September and this is what one of the mums on the last programme said about it:

I have learned a lot, and I am already putting it into practice. At the beginning of the Circle of Security parenting programme I was feeling overwhelmed and that I was at the mercy of my ex, and it helped me see that I can do so much with my daughter that is so powerful and is helping our relationship. It definitely brought us closer together.

I feel that rather than looking at her behaviour and thinking that it’s my ex’s fault, I am more able just to stand back, look at what she is doing and think – what is my daughter saying to me?

It is easier for me to focus on her and be with her at that moment. We still have outbursts, but they are a lot shorter. I stay a lot calmer, which helps her come around faster, and we have a better understanding of each other through that process.

I’m not going to lie, doing this programme brought up some things from my past, my experiences growing up that have been uncomfortable. I have learned the tools to work through that and recognise how that impacted my parenting and make conscious choices to do it differently.

 

You can find out more and register for the course here: ( https://thenurturingcoach.co.uk/circle-of-security/)