Guiding you and your family safely around the pitfalls of separation and divorce
I help people at all stages of the separation and divorce process, offering a safe and confidential place to plan and work through your divorce or separation, either as an individual or as a couple, and whether or not you’re married. I work with people who don’t have solicitors, and with those who do.
Minimising your costs
I do all I can to keep you out of court, and to keep your legal costs down. One of the most crucial issues to plan is when to take legal advice, because involving solicitors too soon can be expensive and divisive.
I’ll guide you through the whole process of separation and divorce in the right order. By ‘right’ I mean most cost-effective and least emotionally damaging.
If you want to DIY you’ll get the legal information you need, and help to:
- Issue your own divorce petition (application) or
- Reply to a divorce petition you’ve received
- Make, or respond to, court applications about your children
- Understand your options for settling your financial arrangements
- Obtain a financial remedy order
- Fill in court forms and write statements – so that you can do as much of the process yourself as you choose
- Find appropriate mediators, financial advisors, solicitors or barristers at the right time
- Prepare for mediation meetings or court hearings
- Write or reply to letters from your ex’s solicitor
If you have a solicitor I will:
- Explain the advice your solicitor’s given
- Help you establish whether you have the right solicitor
- Assist you with sacking a solicitor you’re unhappy with
- Prepare you for mediation, collaborative or CAFCASS meetings
- Prepare you for court hearings
- Accompany you to court
If you are divorcing a narcissist:
I like to see both parties where possible but if your ex is a narcissist that’s a waste of my breath and your money. My focus is on the children when I see a couple, but a narcissist is only interested in the conversation when the focus is on them. And it’s not possible to negotiate with a “it’s my way or the highway” narcissist.
Narcissism is on a spectrum, and the further your ex is towards the narcissistic personality disorder end of it, the more likely you are to end up in court – for everything ie money, children, and anything else they can drag you there for. Worse still, very few Cafcass officers understand the gaslighting and abuse of the narcissist, and judges have even less idea.
Narcissists are usually charmers, and will talk the judge into believing their every word. Their victims can be cowed by many years of abuse and unable to compete with their ex who will often see to it that they don’t have the money for legal representation. And even if they do, finding a solicitor or barrister who understands what they’re dealing with is a challenge.
Not sure if your ex is a narcissist? There’s more information on my blog post here: http://dealingwithdivorce.co.uk/dr-foster-not-divorce-narcissist/
I have supported many victims of narcissists (yes, sadly you are far from alone) through the daunting process of their divorce. If you have a solicitor I can give you the additional support and guidance you will need in your particularly difficult case. If you can’t afford, or don’t want a solicitor, I can guide you through the legal process, help you with your paperwork and find you a McKenzie Friend or direct access barrister for your court hearings. If you are wanting to protect your children, and maybe you already have a contact or residence order, I can help you find the courage you need until you are finally believed in court.
Please ring me now on 01932 843434 for a free 20 minute chat to see if your case is one I could help with, or email firstname.lastname@example.org
I can also help you with
- Decision making
- Problem solving
- Reducing the impact of the separation on your children
- Working out what is best for your children
- Feeling empowered to do the right thing for your children
- Managing difficult emotions which get in the way of negotiations
- Communicating with your ex
- Staying healthy during and after your divorce
With over forty years’ experience working with children and families, my colleague, Family Counsellor Gill Cashdan, can help you find the right words to:
- Encourage your children to ask about what is happening
- Explain in simple, reassuring words how future changes may affect their lives
- Reassure them that whatever has gone wrong between their parents, your love for them has not changed
Gill can also see children and young people and
- Offer them time and space to think about what has changed in their lives
- Help them find a way to confide their fears in you or in someone else that they trust
Gill uses direct, respectful, confidential conversation as well as books, drawing and play therapy techniques which may free up children to express themselves more openly.
“I was thankful to have Gill’s words in my head to be able to reply, and I would definitely recommend her to parents who are splitting up.”